When living in Amsterdam as an expat, you realize that a lot of people already have their circle of friends. You come into the Netherlands in your 20’s, 30’s or 40’s with your partner and how do you make friends?
This post is sponsored by the Party of 4 app.
I’ve written about how to make friends in Amsterdam before, but if you’re part of a couple, it can make it a bit harder because you both want to have friendships that you can each like the other person. Honestly, I hadn’t thought of it that way until I heard a friend posting about Party of 4. I knew that I made friends pretty easily, but as a couple…well, we never put in the effort. I would just drag Sean along to my meetups.
Now, if you’re a couple, it’s a lot easier to make friends. The Party of 4 app is a friendship-finding app for couples and is super popular in the Netherlands in the United Kingdom right now! Yes, it’s completely platonic and the whole point is that you both go through the app together to swipe right or left. Though, if I’m completely honest, I just use the icons because I feel like I’ll forget which is the right way to swipe. Am I really that old?! I’m just going with it because we’ve been together since college and never used dating apps! We just celebrated 17 years of being together!!
Anyway, I’m here to help you understand who this app is for, get your Party of 4 app set up, and how to use it properly…basically we’ll talk etiquette.
Who is the Party of 4 app for?
All couples who are looking for real, platonic friendships.
This app understands that it can be hard to meet couple friends in the same phase of life. This could mean that they have young children, have no kids, just moved to a new country, newly retired, or any of dozens of possibilities. The more people that join, the more likely it’ll be to find people you can really connect with. You never know when you’ll meet your next best friends!
How to set up your Party of 4 app
Have a clear profile picture where the two of you are both in the frame once it’s in the app. Bonus point if it represents you two really well. Try to find one with no sunglasses…there’s something about seeing the eyes of a person that helps form a connection.
Post a variety of photos of the two of you to show different sides of your personality. Some examples are a photo of the two of you where you’re from, at a favorite activity (do you like to SUP?), dressed up if you like to go to fancier events, or when you’re traveling. Even candid shots are great, too! Make sure the photos show the real you.
Fill in as much of the information as you are comfortable with, just keep in mind that the more you share, the clearer picture you paint for others. This includes ages, where you’re from, your jobs, schools, kids ages, interests. Be as specific or vague as you’d like.
I’ve even seen people share that while they don’t have kids yet, that they are expecting which could be great to know if you are expecting as well! It can really help to connect with people in the same phase of life.
This is a free form space where you can elaborate on your interests and who you are. I’ve seen people format this in a similar way to dating apps, which can be fun to read. The key is to show your personality a bit. If you’re funny, quirky, geeky, etc, let it show!
What to look for in another couple
This is going to be different for everyone, but I’ll give you an example of how we do this:
Can we see both of them properly in the photo?
Have they filled out their information, including diving a bit deeper in the bio?
Do they have interests that align with ours?
Do we see common interests that we could use for a first meeting (or even future meetings)?
Are they around the same age?
Some other things you could consider are:
How far away are they?
Do they have kids? But you can set this filter.
Do they have pets? Maybe you don’t but you’d love to hang out with a dog, too, sometimes!
Are they in the same line of work that you are? Could make for great networking!
Etiquette for finding friends online
Not gonna lie…online matching in any form can be stressful because you don’t understand the etiquette involved. So this should make it a bit easier for you.
When you match, do you have to message right away?
While you don’t have to message right away, it might be nice to do it so you’re on your way to learning more about this couple. If you’re not able to, or want to because it’s 11pm and you feel like that’s weird (yes, been there, done that), try to do it in the next 2 days so it’s still fresh as to why you matched with them. And I tend to think that the person who got the match alert while swiping, should send the first message. But if you get the alert and they don’t message you right away, feel free to send a message. I don’t believe in playing games of who “should” do what. This is simply a guideline to help you find your own rhythm.
What to say in your first message?
This is not a dating site, so make your messages for two people and from two people, or at least keep it open and see how they respond. I like to start with a question so you can get the conversation started without it feeling too forced. Here are some ideas:
-Great to match with you! Looks like we have a few things in common. Have you done anything fun in the city recently?
-What a cool app! Great to e-meet you. How long have you lived in Amsterdam?
-We love meeting new people, and are glad to have matched with you. What’s your favorite thing to do with friends?
Some other questions to get things started might be:
-Did you go to…?
-What’s your favorite restaurant?
-Have you tried…?
-Which neighborhood are you in?
-What’s your favorite thing about Amsterdam?
When to meet
This is pretty personal, but I know people who like to meet after a quick conversation because it’s hard to get to know people over text. But some wait until they feel like they know enough about the others before meeting. If you think about it, though, you’ll likely be talking to only one, so for couples, it’s best to meet up early and see how it goes! You’ll get to know each other more when you meet up anyway.
First meet up ideas
- After-work drinks
- Canal cruise
- Laid-back Weekend Brunch
- Take a bike ride
- Drinks with a view
- Rent Renault Twizy or scooters in Beemster for a ride in the countryside
- Book a private tour of the city, street art, history, or food tour
- Do an Escape Room (this might be more of a second meet-up option)
I want to open this up to you as well.. Watch our video on How to Make Friends as an Expat and leave a comment and let me know what your first meet-up idea would be.
How to make the most of Party of 4
Be yourself! This is about finding authentic friendships and you need to be yourself to do that. Don’t play games or do what you think is expected because you being you and your partner being themselves is what it’s all about.
I hope you both find other couples that you can resonate with and build lasting friendships. These kinds of connections are what will help make your city feel like home if you’re away from home, or just generally enrich your life!
If you add the app, DM me and let me know how it goes. I love knowing if something genuinely helps my readers.
Wishing you joy and friendship <3